Talk at the Tapster's
by Crimson Rogue
Summary: The political situation in Orzammar has left the Wardens' rather put out to say the least. In an attempt to escape the convoluted mess, if even for a moment, they head to the local bar to vent their frustrations. Hints of PC/Teagan


**A/N:** I couldn't help it… I just had to write a Dragon Age fanfic before my mind exploded from the game's sheer awesomeness.

This section is in great need of some Teagan/PC centric fluff, and while this story only lightly touches on the matter, I do have another fanfiction already half written that should help to wet everyone's appetites a little further. Why post this silly little scene instead of finishing that other piece then? It's mostly because I wanted to write something humorous about my character Raea before I posted that angst ridden piece, which shows her in a lot more vulnerable state of mind than what you usually see. That, and Alistair is rather amusing when he's drunk. x-3

Think of this more like crack and it might read better.

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Dragon Age franchise. I wish I could own Teagan, and maybe Sten, but unfortunately that's not possible. D: Raea, however, is my own bitchy creation.

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"Ugh! What is wrong with the nobility of this Maker forsaken place?!" Raea screeched to the heavens as she pulled at the red hairs on either side of her scalp. Her shout causing everyone but her companions, who were by now used to her rants, to jump into the air in a shocked stupor.

Alistair mutely nodded into his tankard before taking another sip, wisely choosing not to say a word for fear of having his head bitten off by the deceptively tiny elf. While Leliana merely watched the tirade that was about to unfold with amused interest.

"I mean, seriously! First they start killing each other in public over little more than a verbal spat - I swear are all nobles that impulsive? Then they refuse to allow us to meet with them unless we agree to be their temporary gophers, which means I can't assess which would be the best to work with until I've already buried myself so deeply into their schemes that there will be no backing out…!" The angered elf continued to rage, face darkening as she recalled the events from the past two days of staying in this underground hellhole.

"Don't forget many of them also seem to think that all surface elves are murders and thieves~." Her bardic friend chimed in pleasantly, gesturing about for effect with the set of cutlery she had been given to consume her meal. The templar next to her simply nodded once more with a slight giggle, already losing himself in the strong dwarven alcohol the tavern's host had so graciously supplied them with.

"Yes, thank you, I was trying to forget that particular detail…" Raea bit out tiredly as she rested her head in her hands. Maybe if she just closed her eyes this whole fiasco would just go away…

"_You know, Raea, this kind of disdain towards nobles will make any relationship with Teagan rather troublesome~,_" Leliana all but sang towards her seething friend, not at all intimidated by the murderous tension that was cutting through the air.

"_You know~_" Raea mimed towards her friend sarcastically before taking a small swig from her tankard of lichen ale, enjoying the slight buzz that it gave her system, "having a small, insignificant I might add, crush on a man does not mean I wish to pursue a relationship with him."

It's not like she even had a chance with the man, assuming she actually liked him that is. Elves and humans, particularly human nobles, went together like oil and water. Her experiences in the Alieange had shown that one might be able to delude themselves into pursuing such a relationship, maybe even have it succeed for a moment in time, but in the end their differences would always keep them apart. If not the difference in values that they kept, then the differences in how their individual communities looked upon such relationships with the utmost disdain.

This would never change, she reassured herself quietly. Hoping to ease the stab of pain that ran rampant through her chest at the thought of such a cruel reality.

Now if only she could viciously murder the butterflies that seemed intent upon disturbing her stomach at the mere mention of his name.

"Mhm-hmm," Was the reply as Leliana hummed contently, seeing through their leader's flimsy retort, "_whatever you say~._"

"I hate you…" Said leader muttered darkly into her tankard, promising to enact her revenge upon the other woman as soon as they returned to camp after this whole fiasco was over.

Would it kill Leliana to just let the matter drop and move on with her life? Raea swore that ever since the events at Redcliffe the other woman couldn't seem to get enough of teasing her fellow compatriot over the perceived 'connection' she thought their fearless leader and Teagan had developed over the span of those two terrible days spent in each other's company. Willfully, of course, ignoring the other woman's pleas to simply let sleeping dogs lay.

Oh well, maybe another squirt of clothing dye in her washing products would teach the other to leave well enough alone. Leliana did look rather fetching with bright pink hair after all.

"Besides," Hiccupped the ever helpful Alistair, apparently well on his way to being drunk despite the small amount of alcohol he had consumed, "it's not like Teagan would go for a **- hic-** girl like you anyways." It would seem that the small amount of alcohol had cause him to throw any sense of self preservation he might have held a few moments prior out of the window.

The glare he received from Raea silently dared him to continue with his line of thought, whilst Leliana sat off to the distance trying to desperately send him a clear, yet subtle, signal to end his rambling before things got out of hand.

"Well… **-hic-** If you really want to know, you're brash, rude **-hic-**, violent, scary enough to make an Archdemon wet themselves at the mere sight of you, condescending, you know **-hic-** all that fun stuff," He smiled dumbly up at his Elven friend, mind too addled by the liquor to notice the impending doom that was heading in his direction.

"Hmm, you know what I think Alistair…?" The elf allowed a sweet smile to appear upon her face, her hands innocently inching towards the pitcher that had been placed precariously near the edge of the table.

"Wazz-at?"

"That you've had far too much to drink~." And with that, she dumped the entire contents of the pitcher over his head, followed up by a not-so-gentle kick to his shins, her eyes glinting wickedly in the low lights of the tavern.

Serves him right for insulting her.

"M-m-makers, breath!" The now thoroughly drenched templar shouted as he leapt away from the table in horror as he clutched his wounded knee. Keenly aware, despite how dulled his senses were, that his once pristine armor, and subsequently his under clothing, were now dripping with the potent dwarven brew.

Of course, his situation wasn't helped by the racket his two companions were now making at the sight. Both of them now doubling over in amusement as they desperately tried to calm their laughter.

"V-very funny…" Alistair grumbled to himself as he mentally added bringing up his leader's flaws to his ever growing list of things that should never be mentioned in her presence - if you wanted to live to see the next sunrise, that is.

"Well," Raea snickered impolitely to herself, "you must admit that you did have it coming."

"Hn." Alistair sniffed to himself, flashing a small smile of amusement at his antagonist, before muttering to himself about getting something to clean up the mess with. The trajectory of his movements suggesting that he was heading towards the bar.

The elf quietly returned the smile before the templar turned away, silently reassuring him that she knew he hadn't meant anything by his words and that she also hadn't retaliated out of cruelty. If there was one thing the elf appreciated about the company that she was currently keeping, it was that they seemed to understand that all this bravado and, dare she say it, bitchiness was all part of a mask she had been carefully crafting since childhood. Most people would have been mortally offended by the elf's remarks and mannerisms, unable to see the playfulness that lay beneath, yet all of them knew her well enough to look past her thorny exterior and see her actions for what they really were.

She really couldn't have asked for better traveling companions.

Just don't tell them she said any of that. Wouldn't want her reputation as the 'prickly' Warden to become tarnished, now would we? The horror.

"By the way Raea…" The bard started, snapping her friend out of her musings.

"If your next comment has anything to do with my non-existent relationship with Teagan I swear…"

"No, no," Leliana laughed as she put her hands up defensively, "I was just wondering if you had any idea about who you wanted to support in this whole mess of a situation. Surely you've formed at least some opinions about the two candidates for the throne? Well, besides the fact that both of them evidently are fairly close to earning a spot on your hit list."

The young Tabris fell silent at this as she shifted ever so slightly in her seat, her hands coming up to support her chin as a look of contemplation crossed her features. Now there was the question of the hour… Who did she wish to support? For all the half-truths and outright lies she had encountered about the two over the past few days she had never really had a true chance to think about this particular matter, annoyance over the situation having taken full priority.

"You know," she began slowly, "I haven't really given that much thought to be perfectly honest… Given all the 'complications' we've encountered thus far and all…" That seemed to elicited a small giggle of knowing from Leliana, complications indeed.

"Well let's consider what we know so far. Harrowmont seems to be a good man who genuinely cares for the people of this city." The bard spoke up after her giggle fit had passed.

"But don't forget it's always the 'good men' who have something to hide." Raea pointed out flippantly as she drank the last bits of brew from her tankard. A small pout forming on her lips as she gazed down at the empty vessel. Maybe she could get Alistair to bring her some more when he got back..

"_Raea, your anti nobility mentality is showing again~_,"

"And your point is?" She countered, silently grateful that the bard had finally dropped the subject of her and Teagan. "Besides Zevran was with us when we met that Dulin fellow, remember? And while Zevran might show rather, questionable, judgment at other times I couldn't help but feel that his statement about Harrowmont holds true. After all, if the guy can't even muster his own supporters to fight for his cause, how is he going to manage the rat race that is the Dwarven Assembly?" Speaking of the sex driven elf, where had he run off too? He was with them before they got to the tavern… Maybe he found someone to spend some 'quality' time with?

"Point. Still, Bhelen is hardly a better choice from what I'm seeing." Alistair chimed in groggily as he rejoined them at the table, his now dry armor hulked over his shoulder. "I mean, the guy apparently killed his brothers in a power play, and maybe have even had a hand in his own father's death. That's just not kosher people."

At that Raea raised her eyebrows as she turned to regard the templar, "kosher?"

He responded with a shrug, "what, I can use fancy words every once in awhile can't I?"

"Sure you can, still it just seems so weird hearing that word cross your lips. Me thinks you've been spending too much time with Zevran." Raea let out a small snicker as she looked at her friend in amusement. Trust Alistair to always find a way to bring a smile to her face.

"Anyways!" Alistair continued with a slurred cough, the lingering effects of the alcohol still there for all to see, "he just seems too ruthless in my opinion."

"That may be," their bardic friend countered, "but from what I've been hearing he's also going to marry a casteless woman and elevate her to the status of being a noble. That at least shows he's willing to bring some reform to this place." Of course, neither of her compatriots missed the dreamy sigh that escaped from the bard's lips as she pondered over the idea of the two lovers. Yep, nobody saw that one coming.

Raea simply shook her head, and was about to tease the other about her romantic upbringing clouding her judgment when she suddenly felt an arm wrap around her waist playfully. Tensing at the intrusion, she looked up in annoyance before allowing her body to relax once more upon seeing who had dared to invade her personal space. Trust Zevran to make such a quiet entrance.

"Ah, am I interrupting something?" The other purred out as he leaned against the only other elf in their small entourage, playfully blowing air against the rim of her ear as he did so.

"Why yes," Raea grinned playfully at the tanned elf, by now well versed in his antics, "we were just talking about how wonderful it would be if you found a nice dwarven lass and settled down here in Orzammar. After all it's not like you're providing all that much help with the whole 'save Ferelden' gig, what with your characteristic inability to open locked chests and all."

"You wound me, fair lady." He dramatically brought his free hand up to his chest to grasp at his, presumably, broken heart.

The warrior elf chuckled slightly before giving him a playful elbow to the ribs, "you'll get over it, I'm sure."

"What do you want Zevran?" Alistair spoke up.

"Well other than the companionship of these two beautiful women, ow!" He hissed out as he was simultaneously kicked and elbowed by said beauties. "I was doing some research and I think I might have found a way to choose the best person to support in this whole, fiasco as you put it."

"Let me guess, you found another overly joyful merchant or crier?" Raea quipped tiredly.

"No, better!" Zevran flashed a sultry smile in her direction. "And this person promised they would pay us handsomely for our help."

"Hmm.. Sounds promising..." Raea flashed a predatory grin at the thought of earning a little cash, before lifting herself out of the booth. It's not like this would pan out and help them choose which candidate to support of course, anyone with brains could see that. Still nothing perked her mood up faster than the thought of earning some cold hard cash for her efforts, and if she DID by some miracle figure out who to support through this little exchange then, well, that was just the icing on the cake really.

"Well, what are we waiting for?" Zevran chirped as he helped both of the women to their feet.

"You letting go of my hand, perhaps?" Deadpanned Raea as she looked down at the hand that held her own in a vice-like grip.

"Dear lady, how could I possibly ever repay my debt to you if I didn't go out of my way to ensure your safety at all times?" There was that sultry purr of his again. The man sure did know how to lay on the charm now didn't he?

"Fair enough," the red headed elf quirked a smile. Now there was just the matter of the bill to take care of... Looking about the small group she spotted the still drunken templar preparing to gather the massive bulk of his armor, oblivious to the world around him.

Hm, that would do rather nicely.

"Oh! And by the way Alistair, could you please pick up the tab? You're a doll, thanks!" Raea shouted being her before headed out the door with the two rogues, both of whom wore identical impish looks as they waved towards Alistair in a mixture of gratitude and sympathy, leaving the confused templar behind as he scrambled to collect his discarded armor.

"That will be five sovereigns, ser." A tavern wench walked over to the lone inebriated Grey Warden with a knowing smile. Her grubby palm held out waiting to receive compensation for the meal and drinks that the group had consumed.

"Dear Maker, someone up there must hate me…"

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**A/N:** ... Yarr... _ This shouldn't be looked at as a serious attempt at writing a piece of fanfiction in all honesty. I merely wrote it for my own amusement, nothing more.

I may go back later and add something a bit less, well, sudden to the ending. Actually scratch that maybe out and instead let's go with I'll definitely go back and rework the ending when I find the spare time to do so. I just really wanted to finish this piece, so I ended up rushing once I saw that the story was coming to a close.

As for that other Teagan fanfiction I was mentioning in the author's notes above, I might still end up posting it sometime in the future. Raea is quite a bit more subdued in that piece, she's normally a lot quieter when there is no one for her to play off of, but it still has a rather light hearted tone like this piece. Even though the subject matter is far darker... What can I say? I can't write drama to save my life. I blame Dog... .__.

Note: Alistair's drunken giggling is based off of a quote by Writer Sheryl Chee, one of the people who worked on Dragon Age, when asked about what various characters would do if they were to go out for a drink. To which she replied, and I quote, that Alistair would "have half a pint and giggle uncontrollably for the rest of the night." xD


End file.
